Love Your Life a Little More

Well, today is my least favourite day of the year. Three years ago we suddenly lost my uncle and nothing has been the same ever since. I think for me, I just live with this fear now, that you can lose anyone at any time. It sounds dramatic but now that I know it can happen, you can just lose people, I can’t un-know it. I just want to hug everyone I love, and everyone they love, and just keep everyone safe. 

The worst day started out as the best day. My cousins and I spent the morning all together, going out for breakfast and to a market. It was such a special day, and I can’t help but think there was a reason why we were all together, that someone upstairs knew we were soon going to need each other more than ever. 

I dread this whole week for the memories it stirs up. 

But on Tuesday I decided to tackle a nagging task. I made a dentist appointment and they offered me an appointment on Wednesday. And when I realized what day it was, I was tempted to cancel or reschedule it. Then I thought I might as well get it over with.

I was at work and I was looking for a podcast to listen to. Yoga Girl  had a new episode called “What if Fear is a Doorway to Healing?” and it told the story of her recent experience at the dentist! Talk about timing. Towards the end of the episode, she described that her fear of the dentist was so much worse than her actual experience at the dentist. That maybe speaking your fears and telling people and talking about how scared you are might make you more afraid. 

Now I was feeling more positive about my dentist appointment, but I was also feeling more positive about this day that I hate.

It’s always going to be a hard day, and I don’t think time will erase the pain of this gaping hole that’s left in our lives. But maybe the shock of it will fade, and it will get easier to be grateful for the years we had instead of longing for the ones we’ll never get. 

My uncle taught my knee-kicks in case I ever needed to defend myself, and made me practice over and over saying that’s not hard enough. He had the fastest finger you could never catch. He loved candy, knew all the best places to pick up food, and would always make me laugh, especially when he would tease my mom lol.

Last year I wrote about loving your life.

Today, I’m going to make sure I love my life a little more than usual.

I’m going to look at pictures and videos of all the loved ones I’m missing and have a little cry. I’ll talk to my family and maybe some friends, and go to my dentist appointment. And then I’m going to find the most sour candy I can and trick Tj into eating it hahaha. 

So to end off, I’m going to follow my advice from last year. 

Do something for yourself that makes you love your life! Call a friend, play a sport, have a sour candy, do a prank on someone! Live, laugh, love. I bet there is someone in your life that you wish you had one more day with, and yet you are here, alive for one more day. Don't waste that shit.

RIP Uncle Marky.